One mental health game-changer is setting boundaries without guilt.
Hello lovely people,
I want to tell you something I took way too long to grasp.
Something that would have spared me unending sleepless nights, panic episodes,
and the intense sensation of absolute exhaustion from life.
Creating limits is not meant to be cruel. It is demanded.
The wake-up call I
had to get.
Imagine Tuesday at 11 PM. I am fatigued, barely able to keep
my eyes open, yet there I am answering job emails, approving weekend activities
I detest, and feeling guilty about desiring just one evening to myself.
Does that ring a
familiar sound?
Being a decent person formerly meant being always available
for everyone, I thought. I thought boundaries were self-serving fences that
kept people out. Boy, I was incorrect.
What I hope someone
had told me sooner
Boundaries are gates under your watch, not walls. You have
the say on who comes in, when they enter, and what they bring with them.
For me, here's what altered all.
Rather than reject others, boundaries guard your energy.
Once I finally grasped this, it was as though someone
switched on the lights in a room I had been falling around in for decades.
The Guilt Nearly
Broke Me.
Let me be honest with you: initially the guilt was EXTREMELY
bad.
Every time I turned down a demand, my mind would start to
spiral:
They're going to believe I'm greedy.
What if they don't call me again?
Maybe I should just say yes.
But what I learnt here: The guilt you feel for creating
boundaries is often less uncomfortable than the anger you will experience if
you do not.
My basic boundary-setting
game strategy
Years of trial and error have taught me that what really
helps:
1. Begin modestly.
I started with small boundaries; I didn't jump into
establishing big ones overnight:
Not checking work emails after 8 PM
Ten minutes by myself after I got home before I spoke to
anybody
Saying let me review my schedule rather than instantly
saying yes
2. Apply the 24-Hour
Rule.
I have learned to respond to a query by: Let me ponder it
and get back to you.
This little break changed everything. It let me inquire of
myself whether I really desired to do this or if I was just too scared to say
no.
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3. Develop
self-compassion
Every time shame seeped in, I would remind myself: I am not
accountable for controlling others' emotions. All I'm accountable for is gently
and clearly expressing my needs.
4. Design Scripts
that Set Boundaries
Having set phrases saved my life:
Thanks for remembering me; I can't promise that right now.
That's just not for me.
This week, I am juggling several issues.
I need some time to restore.
The Magic That Transpired
Something wonderful resulted once I began to respect my
borders and ceased apologizing for them:
Not worse, my connections improved. The people who genuinely
cared about me honored my limits. The ones who didn't... that let me know
everything I had to know.
My anxiety diminished. My energy started to rise. Because I
wasn't constantly running on empty, I became a better person, friend, and mate.
The Facts About
People-Pleasing
Something struck me here like a truck: You cannot really
please everyone anyhow.
You could therefore as well satisfy the only person you know
you will spend your whole life with YOU.
Your boundaries are not up for debate.
This one is crucial: You don't have to justify your
boundaries to anybody.
No is a whole phrase.
For me, that doesn't work; no explanation is required.
My availability needs no defense.
Your mental health is not a collective choice.
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A Letter to My
Previous Self (and perhaps to you)
Dear fatigued, guilty-ridden version of me overwhelmed.
You cannot be held accountable for the happiness of others.
Having demands does not make you greedy. You are not terrible for safeguarding
your tranquility.
Those who become irked when you set limits? They were
profiting from your absence of them.
The correct people will respect your boundaries. They will
confront the incorrect people.
Choose yourself. Your later self is depending on it.
Love,
That version of you who eventually picked up lessons.
Start Now, Start Here.
Here is your task if you're reading this and feel I need
boundaries but I have no idea where to begin:
Choose ONE little barrier to start this week. Only one.
Perhaps it's:
Failure to swiftly respond to messages
Having lunch breaks without looking at work
No to one social function you would rather not attend
Begin here. Feel
how it goes. Pay attention on how the globe doesn't stop when you give your
health priority.
The Bottom Line
Setting limits without guilt is self-preservation, not
selfish. It's not about wall construction; it's about creating a life that
won't exhaust you.
You merit relationships that don't call for you to reduce
yourself. You deserve to guard your energy. You ought to say no without a
ten-minute explanation.
Your mental well-being will appreciate it. Your future self
will give thanks. and truthfully, The people who really love you will thank you
too💖
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